I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
