I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
