Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Randomize
