they need to just BURY HIM!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
