some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
