Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
