just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck appropriateness.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
