There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
