Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
