He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
wow bdsm is so cute
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
