I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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