I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
