Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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