I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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