Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please come you make the beer taste better
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
