I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
