No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
