Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
