You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
