i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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