so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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