You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
