u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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