do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
