Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
