The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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