so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
