I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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