I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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