my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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