I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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