I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
