i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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