I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
