I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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