Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
