Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
