we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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