How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
