btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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