So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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