This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
