Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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