do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
