i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
