Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
