i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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