Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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