Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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