dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
