Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
