That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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