um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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