we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
