I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
