We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
