My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
