physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You took a bar mat shot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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