I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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