Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
