u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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