Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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