I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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