I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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