She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
