the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
