i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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