if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
