Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
