i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
